Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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