so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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