mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
