wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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