I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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