we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
