So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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