I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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