I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
