i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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