My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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