There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize