Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
