God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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