i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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