did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
