I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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