omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
