First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
whose ass print is on the piano?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
