No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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