dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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