Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
