Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
