And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*