i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
