i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dick very happy bro
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
