I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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