he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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