he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
