Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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