dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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