you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
