im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
