She is in my trunk
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
