i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
