Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
