i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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