some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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