If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
