covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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