dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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