you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I supernannyed him into submission
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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