When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
