I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
