dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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