ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
