I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
