Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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