Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How does it feel to date your dad?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
