The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
