I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
