idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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