he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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