Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
