I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
