i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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