I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
