No stitches, just platelets and will power
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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