How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
