M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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