Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
