I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
