I'm jealous of your bromance
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
