hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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