can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
