You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
